Here I Come To Save The Day!

Happy Saturday, Everyone!

First of all, I would like to wish a Happy 90^th Birthday to a young man back home in Southern Cali—Mr. Clarence Emile Burkalter. Truth be told, y’all—Mr. Burkalter is the coolest and hippest senior citizen that I’ve come to know and love, outside of those in my family, of course.

Happy #90, Mr. Burkalter—celebrate it well, and God Bless!

Well, I think I may have determined the cause of Neo Theo’s sudden change in attitude. Do y’all remember a blog posted from sometime earlier this year entitled “Theo’s Admirer,” in which a fellow Rustite named Olivia was trying to get Theo’s attention? Well, what started as a budding romance has suddenly withered and died; Theo and Olivia are no longer a couple. I know this to be true, mainly because Olivia herself explained the whole story to me and Ruby yesterday evening. From what Olivia told us, she broke it off with Theo because—and these were her exact words: “He ain’t no real man!”

Of course, Ruby and I were a bit confused when we heard such a comment, so on behalf of Ruby, I calmly yet sternly asked Olivia to explain what she meant. Well, Olivia explained her definition of a real man, such as it was; she said that a real man knows how to take charge of a situation and take advantage of an opportunity when he sees it. Olivia further declared that she had presented herself to Theo several times, and he “ignorantly turned down” all of her offers.

Now, y’all—I was so taken aback by that ridiculous comment that I about to cuss! Matter of fact, when Ruby and I heard that bullshit, we just looked at that stupid ass girl.

Y’all already know by now that Ruby is a hothead; just as she was about to haul off and snap, I quickly derailed her and told her to let me do all the talking. Well, before I could catch myself, I put my hands on my hips, looked Olivia square in her eyes and said: “You’re absolutely right, Olivia—Theo’s got way too much class to be around a promiscuous slut like you!”

It got real silent in that room, and to be honest, I surprised myself, but I meant every word of it, and I was not about to take it back!

Of course, Olivia was shocked behind what I said, and she was about to snap back, but I immediately cut her off and said: “I want you to know, Sweetheart, that any woman would be quite the fortunate lady to be with Theo. Granted, he’s a touch silly at times, but he’s a kind-hearted, good-natured soul. He’s not the type of guy to take advantage of a woman, and judging by your attitude, Girlie, you’ve shown that you’re nothing more but a skanky, sleazy, slimy, ratchet-ass hoe!”

Oh, I was on a role, y’all, but can you blame me? I mean, Theo’s my best friend, and I’ll be damned before I let someone hurt him.

So, needless to say, Olivia couldn’t say a damn thing, and in knowing that she couldn’t, I simply suggested that she get her trashbag-hoe ass out of my sight on account of the morale and the cleanliness of my dorm room was rapidly deteriorating. Needless to say, y’all, Olivia got the hell up out my room… and the door literally hit her in the ass while she was leaving!

Even after that tramp left, I was so pissed off that my hands were shaking. I wanted so badly to go to Olivia’s room and punch her square in her face, but Ruby insisted that I calm down before I morph into the Vipress. I guess there really is a first time for everything, because I never imagined that Ruby and I would change roles—this time, I was the impetuous hothead and she was the voice of reason. Well, stranger things have happened, though I don’t know when they first began.

I’m happy to report that I’m a helluva lot calmer today than I was yesterday, but I still haven’t heard from Theo. I figure that I would just leave him alone and then he’ll come back around. To quote my Uncle Ronnie (who actually took this quote from my Grampa Clark): “In due time, that which you’re waiting for will happen, but when you least expect it, though.”

Until next time, y’all take care.

Hugs & Kisses,

Natasha