Hi, Everyone.
I trust that everyone had a very Merry Christmas. All things considered, I too had a great Christmas, thanks to an understanding family. However, I can’t deny that my heart still hurts from the recent events of last Friday. I really thought I’d be over this ugly feeling, but the truth of the matter is that I’m still not over Ray. I’m so confused—I mean, I set him free and told him to go ahead with this Naomi chick, but yet and still, I have deep feelings for him. After all, he was my first true boyfriend.
And Lord in Heaven knows that I did my damnedest not to think about Ray at all, but to no avail. Everytime I took my mind off of what happened to me last Friday, I was given an ugly reminder of what happened. And I gotta be honest with y’all: It got so bad that I found myself being jealous of my mom and dad, my aunts and uncles, and even Cousin Keith & Cousin Jade. And hell, even Gramma Jewel and Mr. Hawkins didn’t help matters any, sitting next to each other, just laughin’ and shit!
I was so upset that I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door rather aggressively.
I really wanted to be left alone, but I guess God had other plans on account of Becky came in to check on me. All I wanted to do was sit on the edge of the bathtub and weep to myself—I swear that I wasn’t gonna do anything drastic! Well, anyway, Becky sat next to me and just hugged me. Without even saying a word to me, she let me know that it was okay for me to have a good cry on her shoulder. I tell y’all, I really felt a helluva lot better after that. Whether she knew what I was going through or not, I was very grateful that she gave was there for me.
Maybe about forty-five minutes later, I came out and apologized to my family for how I was acting. I let them know the ugly truth behind my attitude, leaving out no detail. And for those of you reading this, I apologize to you as well. Y’all know that I’m really not a bitter person, and believe me when I tell you: I freakin’ hate this feeling. I feel like I’ve lost my joy—that certain spark of life, that certain je ne sais quoi that makes me Natasha Renee Stewart. Well, needless to say, the greatest Christmas present I received this year was that of an understanding and loving family; not only did they forgive me, but they also let me know that they were all there for me. They also warned me about the dangers of bottling up my feelings.
So, in sum, I had a great Christmas with my family yesterday, but yet and still, I’m not over Ray…
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