How Can I Ease The Pain?

Hi, Everyone.

Well, it’s Christmas Eve, and even after having bared my soul to y’all on yesterday, I don’t feel any better.

Right now, I’m listening to a song from one Lisa Fischer entitled “How Can I Ease The Pain?” And I must say that Miss Fischer picked a very apropos title for this song, especially considering how I’m feeling right about now.

And I would like for someone to give me a damn good explanation as to why I’ve been singing this one song by Vanessa Williams, with the following lyrics:

It’s hard to realize, we said our last goodbyes.

Where could the dream have gone to?

Now, I know that there’s no way that I can make you stay,

No matter how I want to.

We made some memories that my heart will always treasure.

Before you close the door, let’s make one more.

And then towards the end of this beautifully heartbreaking song, Ms. Williams makes a simple request:

Come to me, let me dream—this night means everything to me.

All I ask is for tonight—Baby, just hold me tight.

It’s such a sad song, but I’d be lying if I said that this is exactly how I feel right now. And yes, I’ve been singing it for the past two or three days. Heaven knows that I’ve done everything humanly possible to keep from dwelling on the hurt that still lingers. I’ve cleaned my room several times, I’ve rearranged my closet… hell, I’ve even dusted the living room and mopped the kitchen floor, but I still hurt. I think what bothers me the most is the truth, and I don’t know why. I mean, I’m glad that Ray had that much respect for me to tell me the truth (as ugly as it was), but a part of me still wishes that he lied to me. Maybe I’m still trying to make sense of the senses, but I think if Ray would’ve just told me a lie, I’d feel better. I know they say that the truth hurts, but they never specified the severity of the hurt.

Well, I do know this: Tomorrow is Christmas, and I’ll be with my crazy, zany family all day, so it’s all good. The only thing I want for Christmas is for the hurt to go away. If for no one but my family, I want to be in a good mood all day—I don’t even wanna hear what’s-his-name’s name mentioned!

Please say a prayer for me, y’all—I really need it.